Btherres

I have a lot on my mind.

Last night i had a dream about Nickie. It was weird because we were going to her house or something and it was like nothing bad had ever happened between us. Even though, that isn't the case in real life.

Reality check! Breaking up with the boy you've been with for a year and a half and then when it's all said and done, your best friends decided it would be better to just not be your friend at all anymore. It was probably the hardest part of my life. It really made me appreciate the friends that i have now. I don't know where i'd be without Taisa, Kiley, & Ashley. They really have been my saving grace throughout EVERYTHING.

I miss Erin. I hate to say it, but she's like the ex-boyfriend that you can't get over. She was my friend since 1st grade. Sure, we've "broken up" plenty of times before, but somehow we always made it back into each others lives. I hate that when i have an inside joke with her and i wanna text/call her and tell her about it, but know that's not gunna be an option. Although i would never really wanna be her friend again, i do miss her.It sucks that things panned out the way they did. Now she's BFF with Nickie and after what Nickie did to me... there is no way in hell that I would be OK with bringing either one of them back into my life. How can you move in and sleep with my ex-boyfriend like RIGHT after we break up?? Where is the friendship and loyalty in that? Obviously they were never really my friends. Don't get me wrong, I will be the first to admit when i came to guys i wasn't the best girlfriend, but when it came to my friends - they are my everything! I just could have never done that to any of my friends -- whether or not we stopped being friends or not.

Even though the situation really sucked, I learned a lot about myself and who i was as a person. I realized the things that i cared about then, didn't seem to matter as much anymore. That staying in on a Friday night is OK and that I didn't need to care about what other people thought about me.

Life is good right now. I wish I could find a full time job. It's been so rough. I hate the economy right now!! Think about EVERYONE losing their jobs trying to find a new one - let alone being a college graduate and trying to get one. UGGHHH!! (Frustration in it's finest).

Part of what makes my life so great right now is the fact that i found someone to truly love. My boyfriend is great!! I realized this is what I have been missing all my life. I've always had a wonderful family, and i know who my friends are and love them more than life itself, but there was a piece of me missing. No matter who i dated, I was never truly happy, but now all that has changed. I can honestly say that this is one of the best relationships i've ever been in. I mean it's still new, but i've never been with someone that i wanted to spend all my time with if i could. I didn't play it safe... i took a risk and jumped into something that i was scared to death to do. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but what relationship hasn't?? All in all though, it's been great!

Well, now that i've brought back LiveJournal, I'll be writing more often. I like it.

+ It's so NICE out!
+ I'm going to the T-Wolves game tonight!
+ No more early classes
+ I'm watching REBA!

That's all i have to say. I hope all is well with you.

Hello All,

Wow, i haven't been on here in a long time, and it's really nice now! Way to go Live Journal.


So i posted a blog on my myspace, but i thought i would write again. The first time i wrote I felt pretty good, but maybe if i post again, i'll feel even better.

Ok, so i'm stressed. I mean i'm so stressed that i think i'm creating this rash that's all over my body, but i could have gotten bit by something. It sucks. I seriously itch everywhere. I have these little red dots all over my body. It sucks. I go to the doctor tomorrow for it, but still, today is sucking with it. 

Speaking of doctor, i have to go to the doctor on Monday the 26th because i need to get all this cancer shit scrapped out of my vagina. Ok, that's kind of graphic, but hey that's what they're doing. I will not only be able to have sex for about 4 weeks (whatever), I can't wear a fucking tampon for that long either. Ok, pads seriously suck. Not only will i not be able to do any of that, but i can't be physical for about 4 weeks either. That is not good since i realized that i've become a fat ass and need to start working out. I was going to try the method of just not eating at all, but aparently that's not a good idea. 

I'm not only dealing with that, i have to take care of my roommates and all the bills in the house. This is hard when trying to get money from all of them. It's almost like a chore. Don't get me wrong some are pretty responsible, but i hate not having things in and not doing anything right away. It sucks. I just want to get everything in and not have to worry about it.

It doesn't that my boyfriend doesn't help what so ever. It's not his fault, but i don't know who can make me feel better? I think i seriously miss Yvonne more than she would probably ever know. I mean i don't have that person there for me 24/7 that i live with to talk to. It sucks ass. I miss her so much. I don't know why i'm so angry all the time either? I feel like i'm always mad for some reason. It sucks. Along wiht being sad all the freaking time - i'm also always so sad. There hasn't been a night since this week that i haven't cried. It sucks. I really don't know what's wrong with me? If any one has idea idea please let me know. I don't mean to be sad or even mean, but sometimes i can't help it. It's almost as though i have constant PMS all the time. I hate it. I really do. I try hard tnot be like that, but it's so hard sometimes. 

I should be doing homework

>> Brittany <<

Life So Far:

It's been a long time since I've wrote in here. I thought I would write since i have a lot going on in my life. 
It's been really hard lately. My brother isn't doing all that well and i'm scared for him, and i'm dealing with something that i've been putting off on making a doctor's appointment because i'm afraid of dealing with it. I know that's not the smartes thing, but maybe when i get back from hawaii - i'll deal with it. 
It's final's week here at Concorida and then i have a year and half left until i'm done and teaching. Weird. I know.
Life has been an adventure in it's own. Yvonne is leaving me to be with her boyfriend down in Florida. I'm happy for her, but at the same time i'm being selfish and wish she wouldn't leave. All i want is for her to stay so we could get a cute appartment and live together. I know that sounds stupid, but she's been wtih me throughout my entire college career so far, i don't know what i'm going to do without her?
Since i've written - which was a while ago, i've gone through a lot. I'm with the most amazing guy in my entire life. I don't think i could be any happier. Spending time with him is the greatest thing in the world. I finally found my other half. 
I will admit that sometimes it's rough and we are going through different periods of our lives, but we are honestly a perfect match. 
I hate my living situation. Besides Yvonne (who is moving out) I don't know why i'm living here. My roommates are incompentant and are very inconsiderate. Living with them is hell. They don't think of others and all they care about is themselves. I seriously don't understand why they are so immature. Who throws a party evrey weekend and not take into consideration that they have two roommates downstairs who ACTUALLY HAVE JOBS AND LIVES that pertain to something other than partying. I'm sorry that we are actually making a life for ourselves.  I could rant about them over and over again because they're idiots and have NO respect for anyone! Good luck paying any type of rent because i'm pretty sure none of them have a checking account or if they try to pay rent with a check, it bounces -- ouch i know but seriously you're 19/20 years old- GROW UP! 


Xo. Britt

Although there are a few of you out there who actually read this, i'm writing to those who have a thought in their head that maybe feel the same as i do. I feel like since i've made this change in my life, i've done nothing but let people down. I feel as though i've lost my best friend, and some one else who is close to me. I don't understand why life can't be simple, then again, that wouldn't be life. Life isn't suppose to be simple. So why write about how life isn't fair and write about how it is. It's fair for me to be happy.  it's fair for me to have something that i want.  It's fair to be with someone makes me happy, but apparently i've let down those who cared. I don't know why?! Because of me letting them down, i don't get the privlage of being happy. I don't want things to change, but who am i kidding... they will. There we go again with things not being fair. This isn't his fault at all and it's not fair to choose. I don't have to choose because i shouldn't have to. If those who say they cared about me before shouldn't care that something in my life is different. 
I know this probably doesn't make  sense to a lot of you, but it's killing me inside. I just want to cry, but that's not going to change anything. It probably won't even make me feel better, but I don't know what else to do. I've made an attempt and now i just have to wait. Waiting sucks... let me tell you. But i'm sure you've all encountered a time where you've had to wait for something. I don't know? I would say fuck it, but why? I care about these people too much to do that. That shows i care right? 
It doesn't help that my grandma isn't doing that well and my mom has been up late at nights worrying about her. I don't know. Maybe i'm putting too much on myself, and right now i should be finishing up a paper, but i can't help but think something's wrong. There's always something wrong. I don't hate myself because there's no reason for me to hate myself, but i hate how things are turning out. WHY WON'T PEOPLE LET ME BE HAPPY!? Then again, maybe i'm overracting over nothing. I tend to do that a lot. I guess i just gotta see hwo things go and let it flow... 

-She needs someone to hear when she crys-

Why is it were expected to grow up so fast. Although we think that high school takes forever to get through, it's only 4 years of our lives and it goes by so fast. My brother is going to be a junior at the end of this year and it's just crazy. I'm going to be a junior at college next year. That scares me. We grow up so fast. I know i probably sound like a mother right now, but i'm scared. I don't know what i'm going to do with the life ahead of me. 4 1/2 years of college and then what? Being completely in debt because of loans and going off and teaching somewhere?! Why is it when we grow up were expected to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Maybe i'm reading too much into it, but it's our future... our life... does it scare anyone else but me??
For all you seniors in high school, i hope you made this year enjoyable and long lasting because once college hits, you have so much to think about! I mean don't get me wrong, college has been the best years of my life, but there's so much to think about. 
I'm moving into a house this summer and i'm super excited, but again, i'm on my own and i'm doing this just scared out of my mind. Thinking that i'm going to have to be paying bills here soon, and now starting to pay loans off... ugh. I wish the world around us didn't involve money, but that would be Ridiculous - i know, but still. 
I don't know, this is all too much right now. My mind is all over the place. I'm scared of a lot of things right now. My life, future, grandma, the one boy who has stolen my heart, and so much more! Yes, i worry too much - probably about the dumbest things, but i can't help it. I guess i'm just too sensitive to so much stuff, that i don't know what to do?! 

Ugh.

A- Age you lost your virginity?
Senior Year

B-Birthday?
June 5

C- Car?
1992 Jimmy

D- Dads name?
Michael

E- Easiest person to make you laugh
Peterson

F- Food you eat most?
McDonalds... lol jk I'm not sure.

G- Any encounter with ghosts?
Nope, thought i saw Angels once, but i was just trippin

H- Hungry?
Nah,i should be, i haven't ate since 1

I- innie or outtie?(belly button)
innie

J- Jumped in a pool with all your clothes on?
Not willingly 

K- Kissing with eyes open or closed?
Closed

L- Last time you did something "bad"
a couple of weeks ago

M- Most memorable moment you can think of in a minute?
Probably my first kiss... and my cruise, i met some amazing people

N- Nicknames
BeeRitt, B, Btherres, Britt

O- Whats your most valued possession
How is that an O ???? My heart

P- Person you last talked to on the phone?
Yvonne

Q- Quote that you feel represents you right now?
Don't find me beacuse i don't want to find you - me

R- What are you allergic to?
Bubble Bath

S- Song you last sang out loud?
I wanna be a balla....

T- Time you woke up?
9:15

U- Sing soft or loud?
depends

V- Vegetable you hate most?
Coliflower (sp??)

W- What are you most afraid of?
MOST?  Death

X- X-rated love life?
.... nonexistant

Y- Yellowcard or Green Day?
New Found Glory

Z- Zodiac Sign?
Gemini

I haven't written in awhile. I thought i'd update. I should be studying for finals, but i'm so burnt from doing that i need to break. Granted i haven't been studying for the past half an hour, but that's ok. I thought i did enough studying last night at work.

I've had so many ups and downs the past couple of weeks, i don't even know what to think anymore? Christmas break is coming up and i'm excited, but i'm not. I really want Nickie to come home because i really miss her. Maybe i should transfer up to Soup Town and play some basketball up there. Haha. I really miss basketball. I can't for Inter. to start. Also, me and Erin thought of having a pick up game going over break with the girls. That would be so much fun! I can't wait. I need to get my mind off of things. But than again - i'm going home and i will have nothing to do but think. Yeah, great!

Me and Colby's relationship is blossoming. Haha just kidding, but we've had many encounters and have had some actual conversations. So that's been pretty good. I'm lackin in my sleep and it's not helping my health. I'm getting sick and that's not whta i need right now. I have two test tomorrow, one on tues and I have a bunch of KHS things to do.

I'm so lost and confused on what to think? I've had the worst luck with a lot of things lately. I wish things would turn around. I wouldn't go as far as saying i was unhappy, but i'm not feeling the best either. Maybe i'm just stressing with school ending and all the stuff i have to do as far as studying and stuff. I guess i just have to have a different mind mantality on things. Me and my friend Nate were talking about this the other day, but when it comes to the opposite sex the only "guy" you can trust is your father and the only "girl" you can trust is your mother. It's totally true. In my case the only two people i cant trust that are guys are my dad and my brother.

It's so weird. Like i'm fine without someone i really am, but it just sucks because i'm around so many people that have someone it gets kind of old. You run into guys that are like "i don't want a girlfriend" and that's fine, but then how do you like someone and never want anything from that person? I just don't understand. It kind of gets me down because i just don't understand. How do you like someone and then say something like that... nm it's a rough subject.

I really need to get away. I think when i graduate i'm going to go somewhere far and get away from everything. I'm going to go somewhere i'd enjoy. Somewhere warm. I need to get away from my parents and i need to go somewhere where i know things are going to be different and i'm going to be happy. As of right now the only thing keeping me here in MN is my family. I'm just confused i guess.

*out for now*